Friday, November 27, 2009

The Twilight Saga- New Moon: Review


And come to think I was looking forward to this after seeing the trailer. Sigh..... Why? Why would they do this? They had everything. An Oscar nominated director, a 50 million dollar budget, the greatness of Michael Sheen and a sex goddess named Taylor Lautner and they still managed to fuck it up.
No seriously girls.. you'd rather have the one on the left??

New Moon is kinda like Twilight only with werewolves this time. Edward (AHHHHHHHHHHH) decides he wants to leave Bella and Bella gets depressed. Bella hooks up with her bestfriend Jacob (AHHHHHHHHH) and then leaves him cause Edward wants to kill himself. End of movie.
Let me just start by saying that I officially hate Bella Swan. She is one of the most self centered, cock tease of a bitch I have ever had the misfortune to witness on a cinema screen. How is it that so many girls love her? In the real world, we call her type the psycho clingy girlfriend type. I mean she screams and cries, moaps and whines for a quarter of a year just cause she can't get what she wants. And just when there is someone who is stupid enough to like her, she goes and toy with his abs, rubs him, kisses him, tells him she loves him then leaves him for a 109 year old shiny vampire. God! Jesus Christ! And I love Kristen Stewart, she did some pretty nice movies pre-Twilight, but man she is really one note playing Bella.
One a more positive side.... er.. the production aspect of New Moon was nice. The effects and overall technical side of the movie were a huge improvement from the first movie. I loved the werewolves and the chase sequences in the film and the Vultori scene, but they were kinda brief. Chris Weitz did a nice job with the directing. But all that couldn't save this film.
I still can't see how Bella and Edward (AHHHH) like each other. Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattinson have absolutely no chemistry together.
Now Taylor Lautner on the other hand.. Hello, hunny you are one fine piece of wolf. The Bella/Jacob relationship is so much more believeable than with Cullen and it's safe for me to say that Lautner was the best performance in the movie aside from Billy Burke, Michael Sheen and Peter Facinelli. (That was not a complement okay, Taylor Lautner being the best actor in your movie is just saaad)
Melissa Rosenberg, she's the writer of both Twilight films and she was the writer of the last season of The O.C. God, she is one of the worst screen writers ever. New Moon had zero story, zero plot development and horrible horrible dialogue. Like:

Edward: "Bella, you breathing is my gift." (WTF)

I laughed so hard watching this movie. Even the fans were laughing at the embarrassing dialogue. The best was the final punchline of New Moon, the entire cinema just started laughing their asses of.
So to sum up New Moon.
  1. To protect your bleeding girlfriend from your blood hungry vampire brother, knock her clean across the room and make her bleed more.
  2. What happens when Bella haves her period?
  3. Want your ex to come back to you? Jump off a cliff!
  4. Native American kids are so poor they can't afford shirts.
  5. Girls want pasty white boys who look like they are gonna cry or puke at any moment and have an aura of depression surrounding them over solid muscular tan dudes.

RATING: 2/10

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