Wednesday, July 14, 2010

The Twilight Saga- Eclipse: Review

Hey guys, sorry bout not posting up more reviews lately. More acting stuff so.. Anyway.... Have you seen this piece of shit yet?
The third Twilight movie! Yay! So while I was away I've been hearing lots of surprisingly positive reviews about this movie. And I'm like, "Whaa?" People are fucking calling this the best film of the series and how it's so action packed and has higher production value. So I watched this film.... and while I do agree that yes this is the best of the three and highly entertaining at some parts, Twilight Saga: Eclipse is still one big pile o' dog shit.
So Eclipse is basically X2 directed by Friedberg and Seltzer. Victoria has created an army of newborn vampires to go after and kill Bella to avenge the death of her lover, which she has failed to do for the past 2 movies. This forces the Cullens and the Blacks to put aside their differences to protect Bella. And what does Bella do? Why act like a fucking slut of course!
Okay I'm going to go into the things I liked about Eclipse first. The film is directed by a fantastic indie filmmaker named David Slade who made Hard Candy and 30 Days of Night. This guy actually managed to make Eclipse somewhat bearable for the most part. He certainly took the film's focus more off the Bella/Edward/Jacob triangle and gave the other side characters a great deal of development.
The fact that we are getting the Cullens and Blacks side stories now is really a treat for the audience as it is a stab in the face to the previous two directors. This is already the third film and you are only choosing to put in character development NOW? And I love how Slade puts in little sublimate insults to the Twilight directors and fans, like Bella goes, "Wow.. I've known you for this long. How come you never told me that before?"
I thought the Cullen's flashback sequences were fantastic. It was almost like I was watching a different movie. A breath of fresh air for the audience who are just so sick of having to watch 3 of the boring-est shitface characters emo over each other. And who knew Jackson Rathbone could act? Kudos to you buddy. But you still fucked up The Last Airbender.
And now for the bad. Guys.. I've finally figured out why the Twilight series is so bad. Because the main character is that whore Bella Swan. I am officially crossing off Edward and Jacob off the chopping board. This Bella character is the sole reason why this series does not work. I can even stress to you how much I just want to punch that girl in the face. I mean, she is just a horrible, horrible person.
Throughout the whole film we see Jacob trying to court her and stuff and Bella goes, "Oh nooo, I love Edward. You're like.. my friend." And shoots him down continuously but toys with his feelings by cuddling up with him in front of her boyfriend amongst other fucked up shit. There's a scene, where Jacob finally gives up on Bella and goes,

Jacob: No that's it! I'm done! I'm over you. I don't wanna see you anymore."
And the Bella goes,
Bella: Kiss me.

What The FUCK! And you know what's more fucked up? She starts making out with him in front of the boyfriend and even has the balls to go back to Edward and say, "I love you more." Oh and another thing, Edward proposes to her with his mother's ring but she refuses to wear it because she's scared "Jacob might see it." Fuck you bitch! FUCK YOU!!
And I like how Slade recognizes that and immediately puts in a scene between Jacob and Edward where they genuinely have a brother-to-brother moment and they both go, "You know what? You're actually pretty cool. If it weren't for Bella, we could actually be good friends." Boo-Yah for brotherhood baby! Bella. On behalf of all the men in the world. Your a fucking whore. And you need to die.
So overall. Great salvaging from a director who genuinely does care about making a good film, better acting and special effects. But all efforts to save this franchise are futile so long Bella walks this earth.

RATING: 4/10

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